Prayer to Hekate and Hermes

I’ve been feeling a little frustrated lately about various things, and I’ve found that both prayer and writing help, so I wrote a small prayer to both Hekate and Hermes:

Great Hekate, Mistress of the In-Between,

Lady of the crossroads, traveling through life and death

Wise guide and guardian of souls, I honor you.

Brilliant Hermes, mover between the worlds,

Messenger of the gods, Lord of the Liminal,

Guardian of roads and shepherds,

One who knows the hidden paths, I honor you.

Great Balancers, walkers of the space between

Be my guide throughout my days

Keep my mind sharp and open, and my feet steady.

Help me to move through my days with wisdom, strength, and compassion,

To be steadfast in my beliefs and honor my spirit

To always remember my gods and ancestors,

And to be aligned with my path.

 

 

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My Mother Was a Wendigo, and Other Problems

Note: in this post I do discuss abuse/abusers but there is no graphic or specific detail. I understand that this is a subject that is difficult for many, so I just wanted to give my readers a heads-up.

The other day I had a long talk on the phone with my sister; she has been having a lot of difficulties in her life and she is planning on moving to Ohio from Pennsylvania very soon. It would be nice to have her closer, I think that it would be good for her, an important healing step. We have many long conversations about our childhood, our mother, etc. We find comfort in each other.

It’s very important to break cycles.

You always hear that term with regard to abuse. Yet sometimes, those cycles are more deep-seated than we realize. For example, my abusive mother was herself a victim of abuse. And who knows how far back it went. My mother claimed that she never wanted to be like her mother, but in the end she became exactly that, and worse. She was still too afraid of her mom to ever escape her, and she also refuses to acknowledge that she herself has done anything wrong. Because she is a textbook Narcissist, her ‘reality’ is different from everyone else’s. She lacks empathy. She lives in denial and refuses to face her issues, descending into alcoholism rather than seeking healing. And there’s nothing that I can do about it. I can only control my reactions to her behavior. I chose long ago to not engage with her or allow her to manipulate or gaslight me. We have very limited contact. I spent years trying to heal myself from the past and from her influence.

I always felt like my mother had a split personality. She had several, now that I think about it, which was one of the most frightening things about her: I never knew who I was going to be dealing with on any given day. The scariest of these personalities was one that I like to call The Wendigo. A wendigo is an evil, cannibalistic spirit found in Algonquian folklore. It’s a scary son of a bitch. This was what she would remind me of when she was at her worst, a violent and rage-filled half-insane thing that only wanted to consume, to suck the life from us until we were nothing but empty shells. There were others, as well: the Fake Lady, which was her public persona, the doting, caring mother, so obviously a lie that it made my teeth ache. And then another that did not have a name, the side of her that was like a broken child, when she seemed so sad and lost that I didn’t know what to do. Then there was her manic side, chattery and bright and full of weird ideas and big plans, the one with the crazy sparkling eyes. These personalities could so easily slide into one another, I never knew what was real. The Wendigo, I suspected, was the most deeply entrenched. My mother, in that state, could terrify and chill me all the way to my soul.

The damage that she caused to us was not merely on a physical or mental/emotional level, it was deeper, on an energetic level. Over the years I’ve done a lot of energy work on myself, and some of that has involved removing cords and hooks that were deeply imbedded in my chakras and subtle body. There were cords that formed early in my childhood and kept me connected to her, leaving me vulnerable while draining my strength. I learned to acknowledge that her happiness is not my responsibility and never has been. She has been feeding off of myself and my siblings since childhood, she is angry and resentful that we escaped, so at times she tries to psychically attack and drain us from a distance. But Lugh says that once you can see something, it loses some of its power, so just by realizing what’s going on, you take an important step towards combating it.

Once the cords and hooks were removed, she could no longer feed off of me, even from a distance and I was told to not feel guilty for taking back my power. Guilt is a terrible weapon that abusers use to manipulate. But I won’t be used as an energetic ‘food’ source any more, and whatever consequences that occur for her as a result of this disconnection are not my problem. That is my mother’s karma to deal with, and I have been carrying too much of it for too long. I was also shown that, though some kind of cord-link, she was transferring emotional and physical problems to me, and I became a sort of weird proxy-doll.  Part of me intuitively knew this, and was always trying to protect myself from her. Apparently through removing these cords and so on, I created a small sort of karmic ripple effect that reverberated through the bloodlines on a DNA level. I am only now starting to truly realize the extent of the damage that was inflicted on me, on my brothers and sister as well.

I was told:

Nothing in the past can hurt you now. By looking at it, and learning the secrets hidden there, you are helping yourself to heal. Your entire nervous and skeletal systems have been badly damaged by the endless brunt of attacks. This in turn weakened your Immunity Blueprint, making is susceptible to manipulation–this is when the physical ailments that she did not want to accept were forced on to you, becoming/acting in the way that Implants do: by infecting with bad code. Your system did not recognize this code and was thrown into chaos. It is so good that you are finally seeing the truth, because once you See, you can affect change and are no longer wandering blindly. The dark veil of confusion and disorientation will finally be lifted and you will feel your True Self: one of joy and boundless creativity. As the darkness is dissolved, more weight will life and more Truth-Light will be revealed.

I feel like breaking the cycle goes deeper than merely just working to heal issues from this life. Cycles of abuse become deeply entrenched on a karmic level, and perpetuate in other ways. We have to somehow travel back to the energetic ‘core’ of the cycle, the place where it began, which could be hundreds of years/lives ago. Because you can bet that heavy abuse cycles like these are not limited to one lifetime, or to the physical plane.

Excavation

One of our cats passed away early this morning, little Grady. She was almost fourteen years old, and had the sweetest, most loving personality. She is at peace now. We are going to have her cremated today.

Yesterday I went to see my massage therapist, he specializes in deep tissue and trigger point: in short, you don’t go to him for a relaxing massage. It’s like paying someone to beat you up for an hour, but it works. Yesterdays session was particularly brutal and now I’m horribly sore as well as grieving so I’m not having the best time right now. But it has made me think and reflect about a lot of things.

The last time I had a session was several weeks ago. I’d passed out the day before, because I’m a hypoglycemic who forgets to eat, and I’d gotten whiplash when I fell and crashed into a bunch of stuff. It wasn’t a pretty scene. That was one of the ‘tower moments’ that I’ve had recently; the night before I had stayed up too late and drank a bit too much and of course neglected to eat dinner. I’d had a long and emotionally exhausting drunk text marathon with my Twin Flame, and was still reeling a bit from that. I knew that things needed to change, but I didn’t know how to change them. See, my Twin Flame situation is a little different: I am married to my Soul Mate, who is also friends with my TF. SM knows about TF and our “weird connection” but is ok with it because there is nothing physical between us and never has been; despite the depth of our friendship and the incredible energy and love that we share, TF and I both know that it could not ever happen.

SM and I have had some problems recently in our marriage, and for a while I wondered if we should stay together. I was struggling with the depth of my feelings, unsure of where to turn or what to do. Regardless of TF or SM, I realized that I needed to start taking better care of myself and doing what is best for me. The way I had been living was not working: I was avoiding issues rather than addressing them, bottling things up and making myself crazy.   The Universe was showing me that I couldn’t keep it up, I was going to inadvertently hurt myself very badly. In the session after that, there was such an intense emotional release, I lay on the table and cried while he worked on me, feeling like there was an excavation going on in my body.

I cried during the session yesterday, too. I am still releasing a lot of stuff, pulling it to the surface, old pains and injuries. I’m realizing just how much damage has actually been done to my body over the years. I feel as though I’ve spent much of my life out of my body, and now I’m anchoring back into it, connecting to the Earth. This is an adjustment, and I feel like I am slowly becoming balanced. Balance, got me thinking. The two sides of my body. Most of my damage is on the right side, always has been. Even other health issues–sinus infections, lung stuff–it’s mainly been on the right. Right side: Masculine. Divine Masculine, always confusing. But it is playing a big role for me on this Earthwalk.

My father was so silent and emotionally absent and detached. There was very little affection. He rarely even called me by name. Later on, as a young teenager I stopped calling him “Dad” and he didn’t seem to mind. I was always imagining myself into a different life, where I was someone else’s child. Characters from different TV shows became fathers to me, because I needed that influence, that counter-balance to all my mother’s emotional instability. I’m still searching for that Masculine, always, it seems: perhaps I’ve given up on a father, per se, but I need people with those DM qualities in my life. It’s a yearning for steadiness, for warmth, for comfort and strength. Thanks to my mother, for a long time I viewed the Feminine as mercurial, manipulative and cruel at best and violently unstable at worst. Bitches be trippin. It’s taken me many years to fully trust and embrace the Feminine, and to form real relationships with goddesses.

My first goddesses were the Morrigan and Persephone. The Morrigan was strong as hell and took no shit, and Persephone, in my mind at the time, had willingly accepted pomegranate seeds from Hades to get the fuck away from Demeter. I could respect that. I think I overly identified with parts of that myth, to the point that I developed an unfair and intense dislike for Demeter because I conflated her with my own mother. But what are myths if not a way for us to understand ourselves?

A lot of layers dissolving, things shaking loose. It will take awhile to process everything. My massage therapist finds scar tissue on the right side of my head. “Did you get hit really hard?”

So much ugliness in my bones, the map of my body. I am older than I should be.

Things changing in my life, in my mind. “Resume your Work,” says Hekate, pulling me from my stupor, gently nudging me into action. I’m not sure what my work is, anymore. I’ve spent more than a year being consumed by this Twin Flame thing. But he’s not here anymore and I need to get back to my Practice and move on with things. I’ve done all I can for now in regards to our connection, and it’s my responsibility now to focus on myself and not obsess over my friend and what he’s doing, feeling, etc. If he’s meant to be part of my life, he will be, but I cannot control what he does. He has to make his own decisions. I am with my Soul Mate right now, a karmic partner who, despite our issues, is better for me, at least at this juncture. TF has a great deal of healing to do, and so do I. Both of us, I am told by my guides, have serious karmic issues regarding family/ancestry, issues that stretch back generations. I’ve been led to do more work on these subjects, and though I’m still not sure exactly how, I’m confident that I will be guided. I always am.

Loki, who had faded into the background and was quiet for several months, is finally reappearing and I couldn’t be more grateful; I greatly missed His presence. He, Hekate, and Hermes, oddly enough, have been hanging around recently. Lots of life/death themes. Psychopomps. Yesterday, as I lay on the massage table, wincing and in near-tears at the therapist worked on my trigger points, as buried pain crawled to the surface, I offered that pain to Loki, thought of Him bound in the cave.

One part of my journey is ending, another beginning. I am feeling strong, but very vulnerable, too. New, like early Spring, tentatively resurrecting myself, excavating the ruins of Me from the thawing ground. I am more Me again, rather than simply the other side of someone else. In being me, I allow TF to be himself. Over there, where he is. He may stay there, he may come back. It’s not up to me. None of this was ever up to me. Your move, Universe.

I am re-collecting myself, all the scattered pieces. Broken pottery, fused back together. Wabi-sabi. Connecting to the Gaia grid. I can feel my body again, the one I tried to escape for so many years. I treated myself very badly, because I thought that was what I deserved. It’s amazing what children can learn to believe.

The Daemons make a reappearance also, they are a grounding influence. I have spent too long in the celestial, in the spheres, trying to fade into someone else and let them fade into me, back and forth until there was no clear distinction. I return to the dirt, the chthonic, to the Underworld, the nexus of my Excavation. Lucifer, Ronove, light and knowledge. Death and life, around and around again. The journeys of Persephone. Caves. I learn. I resume my work.

Shifting Energies and Overcoming Inertia

It’s been a very interesting time lately. I feel like I am definitely going through a lot of clearing and processing, especially after the lunar eclipse last month. Lots of weird dreams. The other night I dreamed that I was screaming at my mother, and the anger was so palpable that I woke up shaking. And then I dreamed that I was showing someone my writing–the manuscript was all printed out, and they were saying that it needed work, that I needed to be more descriptive, etc, and I just freaked out and started cursing and yelling. It was pretty dramatic, but a lot of it is tied in to my throat chakra opening. I have always had trouble expressing myself out of fear that I will be rejected (because of years of my mother telling me how awful I was), so it all makes sense.

That morning (this was about a week or so ago) I woke up to a text from work asking if I could cover a shift. I said no, I had already been planning to write and do things around the house that day. For some reason, I felt a little bad/weird about saying no, which is strange because I usually don’t have a problem with it (thanks to years of therapy). I think it was the ghosts of my old insecurities–more clearing–the parts of me that were so eager to please, the part that always had to be a team player out of fear. I won’t necessarily say it was a “weak” part, just very damaged and afraid. The part that lives according to other people, letting them dictate my movements. And that just ain’t me anymore, babe.

Plus, there is something a bit insidious about the place where I work. If you let it, they will use you until you have nothing left and then still demand more. I have seen it happen to many people there, to varying degrees. So really, the best thing to do is to be firm about boundaries, and refuse to take any shit for it. Rebel, rebel.

I’ve been connecting a lot of underlying themes/lessons in my life recently. Thinking about gratitude. Gratitude is a little misunderstood, I think. Sometimes I will get so pissed at my job…and then I feel ungrateful. Because, ok, that place sucks royally sometimes, but I am grateful to have a job, and the opportunity to make more money than I have in a long time, I met my Twin Flame there, as well as a few other like-minded souls. So yes, I can acknowledge that I am grateful for a lot of things, but just because I am doesn’t mean that I am ignorant to the problems there, or that I will be blindly obedient and break my back for my job with nothing in return. That’s fear programming–the desperate need to please, even when it’s detrimental to my own well-being.

Fear programming is strong in my generation, and it was even stronger in my parents’ generation. A lot of it was passed down. I’m trying to observe and clear out a lot of that old programming, as it is not serving me anymore. A lot of my feeling stalled in life is tied into that: my childhood, my parents, the deeply impressed sense of unworthiness. I’ve been thinking about fear and love and ego. Lessons still swirling in my brain that haven’t settled yet. The horrible, constant fear that lived inside me during my youth as I tried to find myself and escape my past. My whole life, I realized, has been one long process of running away. So now those old fears are climbing up out of the shadows of my mind, showing themselves, maybe to finally be healed.

As I move into a higher frequency, I cannot stay limited by ego and fear–I can’t serve anyone like that. I’m trying to be more focused on honoring my spirit and especially my Divine Feminine. All this anger and doubt serves a purpose, teaches a lesson, but it is up to me to learn those lessons and transcend.

I’ve been doing a ton of reading about Twin Flames and ‘energy stuff’ as I call it. I accepted that this special person in my life is my TF (after being in denial for like, over a year). It was a hard pill to swallow at first because the whole concept always seemed to me to be a bit of an abstract and out-there idea. But I surrendered to it because I got to a point where there was no other option, really. The Universe was practically beating me over the head with it. And once I surrendered, things started getting easier and harder at the same time. I’m being forced to change and I know that he is, too–even if I can’t see it because he’s not physically near me anymore, I can feel it. I get the sense that I’m…first, if that makes sense. I am and always have been the energy conduit in the relationship because I’m more sensitive and wired for it, and so I absorb and process the changes and lessons and energy upgrades and so forth and then pass them along to him.

The energy shifts have been quite brutal. Since last year, I would say. I tried to record everything in a journal–when it was, what I felt, if it corresponded to any sort of astrological or atmospheric phenomena. It really began in earnest last March, around the time of a Mercury Retrograde, I want to say. It was nearer to the time of the Vernal Equinox when I decided to be more open to love, and to my TF. I’d been trying to resist and block the connection and then Spirit kept prompting me to to give in and so I did–and that started me on one of the most complicated and life-changing journeys I’ve ever been on. And I’m still on it, it is nowhere near complete.

I’ve been doing a lot of work with crystals and energy healing, trying to stay centered. Also, trying to trace a lot of my troublesome thoughts/feelings to their origin. I was working on my root chakra and I was shown images of my mother, which I expected, as she was very narcissistic and abusive and caused a lot of psychological damage to myself and my siblings. But then I was shown more–how it all connected to my mother but then went even further back, generations carrying toxic emotions like a genetic mutation, a disease. I had a vision of all these interconnecting threads, weaving back deeply into the past but still very much alive today–like a weird umbilical cord or feedback loop. I got a glimpse into the insidiousness of karma. How do you heal something like that? I’m sure it would taken some shamanic skills that I do not possess, but I’d like to try. I have a couple books on similar subjects, so perhaps I’ll take a look at those.

I feel as though I spent most of January in a strange fog, it became very easy to lose track of time. I have made good strides, though. Many small healings which will bring long-lasting results. I am brave enough to acknowledge my wounds. All I can do is keep going, keep staying in the present and in the flow of love–the Vortex, or whatever they call it.

Yesterday was Imbolc, and I did a meditation in the early morning where I envisioned myself in a cold, frozen forest just as the sun was rising. It lit up the sky with this beautiful orange-gold, and I imagined the first stirrings of growth beneath the ground, the early signs of life. February has a unique energy, I think, it always has for me, anyway. It’s very kinetic, there is a lot of pushing forward, motion, overcoming inertia. Which makes sense, we are moving towards Spring, laying the foundations for new growth. Preparing.

I think that February will be a very good month for me if I can stay calm, stay present, stay positive and centered. I have to keep reminding myself that the Love I seek is always within. I was doing so much clinging and looking for external validation before that I couldn’t see it. I was making myself small and fearful, the abandoned child waiting for everyone to leave. I have been shown many of my broken places, and I know that this is, in fact, where I am supposed to be, the path I need to be on. I’m just not sure where it is leading. Too soon to tell.

Tomorrow there is a New Moon. Clear-out and restart. Tonight I think I am going to work with my Tarot and Oracle cards a bit, as I have been led to do more with that. Hopefully this will all be a good start.

Come As You Are

All my life, I have felt fundamentally different. As though there was something “off” about me, some deep inborn strangeness that glared out of my face and could be seen by others. A troubled childhood and adolescence confirmed my status as an outsider; as I attended an alternative high school and dressed all in black and studied witchcraft I was abandoned by most of the friends I’d grown up with. But I was fourteen and I’d just gotten out of a long stint in a psych clinic, as was the fashion back then. This was in the days of Prozac Nation and Girl, Interrupted and so, as my Gestalt therapist would tell me years later, “It was almost trendy back then to admit young people, especially girls, to those places. These days you can hardly even get in.” Sad, on many levels, but true. I came out feeling like Persephone, like I’d come back from the Underworld forever altered. Even stranger than before.

Oh, I tried to be ‘normal’, whatever that was in my mind, as I grew up, but that feeling persisted. Lots of unnecessary psych meds destroyed my metabolism, and thanks to constant unhealthy dieting to try to combat this, my weight yanked itself up and down for many years like a bungee jumper flailing in the air. I felt like Alice, going from too big to too small, never finding an in-between. Later, in my early twenties, I was put on a thyroid medication that caused me to lose an extraordinary amount of weight, and suddenly people paid attention to me and apparently considered me attractive. I didn’t know what to do with all this new attention, and responded to it by getting myself into some risky situations. I felt tiny and overwhelmed and without boundaries to define me. This all took its toll on my emotional health.

Eventually, I was taken off of that medication and I gained enough weight that I felt more solid again, more clearly defined. I slowly began making friends and trusting people again, though this has always been hard. I got a little more comfortable in my own life, I started recognizing my own face in the mirror. When I first met the man that I would later marry, I was thrown by the fact that he didn’t really care what I looked like, how thin or curvy I was, or how I wore my hair. He encouraged me to wear less makeup and just be ok with myself, which was astonishing because my previous relationship had been with a guy who was always rigorously monitoring and commenting on my physical appearance and I assumed this was the norm.

Once I began to realize that people could actually like me for who I was, I started opening up even more, but it wasn’t always easy. My instincts were to run and hide, to assume that nobody would want to be around me, that I was somehow doing everyone a favor by not inflicting my presence upon them. It has been in the past few years that I’ve really begun to make strides in this area. But it’s always work.

Perhaps it is because of this lifelong affliction that I’ve always been so drawn to deities who are perhaps ‘darker’, or are tricksters of some kind, especially those who shapeshift. I always felt like I was shape-shifting, trying desperately to conceal some Other-ness that I couldn’t shake. My relationships with these deities has helped me to understand myself and love myself for who I am, with all my strangeness and imperfections. Hekate helps me to heal the deep wounds of trauma from my past, my inner sorrows, to navigate the black labyrinth of my soul. I run to Her arms and feel no judgement, only understanding. Loki helps me to deal with my rage at feeling like an outsider, encouraging me to “let your freak flag fly!” Loki knows what it’s like to feel different, alone, mad, cast off. I deeply sympathized with his children Fenrir, Jormungand, and Hel, because I too felt monstrous, animal, alien. My work with daemons has also been helpful with this, I was drawn to their energy naturally and have found great support and strength in Lucifer (who also knows what it means to be misunderstood), Leviathan, and Belial.

Through my Practice, my internal environment is fortified, I am grounded, and I can look at myself in the mirror, see the person I am, and be ok with that. My ‘strangeness’ is part of what makes me unique, and I can finally embrace it. I feel like many people are drawn to alternative spirituality because they simply just don’t fit in with any mainstream religion, (I know I certainly didn’t) or anything mainstream for that matter. And through these ‘alternative’ paths we can find our place, find the understanding and community that we have longed for, find deity who is more reflective of how we feel inside. So, for everyone who is struggling with similar issues, with mental health or body dysmorphia, or just a feeling of being different and marginalized: be yourself, even though this is difficult. Don’t hide. Be strange and different and as you are, share the gifts that you have brought back with you from the Underworld: the intuition, deep compassion, empathy, and insight. The world needs that.

Gratitude and Lughnasadh

I’m very relieved that it is August. I woke up this morning and said “rabbit, rabbit” for good luck, as I do on the first day of every month. (I have to look into the origins of that custom, my siblings and I were taught it as children and it stuck!) As I wrote in a previous post, July was a long and stressful month, but now I feel a shift in the tides of energy, feel more alive in the green and gold and other colors of early harvest, knowing that the cool arms of Autumn are on their way.

Today is Lughnasadh, the first Celtic harvest festival, where traditionally there were many games and also handfastings. Many of us don’t really have to do as much physical harvesting as our ancestors, but I think no matter where we live, we can acknowledge the turning of the Wheel and what this means in our lives. We can do some emotional harvesting, looking back on everything we have accomplished in the year thus far, all the seeds we have planted and the fruits they’ve borne. This is a good time, still very full of potential and activity. I’m trying to be more aware of the things that I am grateful for, and to make an effort to dwell more on gratitude in general, and to focus on service. I have a tendency to fold up into myself and get small and quiet and grim, so this is especially important. Being open and helping others expands us as people.

Lugh, the god for whom the festival is named, has been a part of my life since I was a teenager. He is a very strong, bright, masculine presence, very steady. He appears to me as a tall man in his late thirties with blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He is very inspiring and will help with any sort of creative pursuit, I have found, especially writing and music. And so in honor of him, I have written another little devotional prayer:

I give thanks 

For all that I have learned,

gathered

become

And for the journey ahead

for who I am yet to be,

For those who walk beside me

and for those now on different roads,

I am part of you, and you of me.

Lugh, shining leader,

Bright flare of sun,

God of many skills,

grant us strength 

and continue to sustain us

in the days still to come

 

 

 

 

Returning

Well, I’m back after a long hiatus. There’s been a good deal of emotional growth in my life over the past several months. I learned more about Love, as I was told that I would. This learning came in an interesting form, as a very intense, soul-mate type friendship. That person and I were empathically connected and inseparable for a long time, but they recently left their job and moved hours away. This was a very abrupt and startling thing, and I was feeling very off-balance and depressed by their physical absence. I took it much harder than I expected, I cried a lot; my energy felt cut in half, like there was a piece missing from me. So I’ve been going through the process of rebuilding myself. It has been a time of learning, and I have been making a lot of strides in my personal Practice, which I will be writing about soon.

July has been a strange month for me, the whole summer has been strange, actually: my husband and I had several acquaintances pass away under rather random and tragic circumstances and there were weeks of great emotional unease, an odd shifting in the tides of energy. Subsequently, death has been a recurring theme for me, as it often is in the summer, when I feel the most drawn to doing Shadow work. Themes of memory and nostalgia keep coming up, too. And loss. These began to build up around Litha and peaked about a week or so ago and are now beginning to taper off. I can tell that I’m still in a transitional period, now, as I feel the slow descent into the darker half of the year.

Following those tides of energy has been very beneficial for me, moving with them rather than against them. Resistance has always been my typical go-to and so it was a bit of a struggle at first, but I see the rewards. I’ve lately been drawn to the Arthurian myth cycle: Avalon, the Grail, Merlin, all those archetypes are swirling in my brain, very active. What they have to teach me, exactly, I don’t yet know, I’ve just been reading and following the synchronicities that crop up relentlessly in my life. All about change and transformation and sacrifice, the sacred king’s relationship with the Land and the Goddess.

Merlin is an interesting presence; nebulous, shadowy yet bright, shifting shape, hard to catch, wild man in the woods, herbs and smoke, liminal. A bit like Loki in certain ways, energy-wise, but very different in others. I’ve always easily connected to the ones that are impossible to pin down.

In conclusion, I am glad to be writing again and slowly toe-ing back out into the world. I’ve hopefully become a bit wiser and more open, and looking to actively be part of a community, rather than the isolated island I have mostly been in the past. And I am looking forward to this next half of the year.

The warm light spills

The Earth rich with bounty

The harvest approaches

sun shining from leaves

stalks of corn wave

We recieve

We prepare

We are grateful